A Little Bit About My Life

I don’t know what had happened to me in recent time and I don’t know the reason why I haven’t upload new posts or maybe its just my excuse  or not. My life isn’t perfect. I had a bad childhood and even now it’s not as good as I want it to be. I have this feeling all the time that I am on the intersection and I don’t know which way will be right and which to choose. Indeed, I have this thought in my mind for a long time but I don’t have answers. I’m stuck. I don’t know, maybe you feel the way I do too, but I don’t know where is the exit. 

 Probably, I need to describe you this better. I live in Ukraine and it is a war in my country with Russia (Please, don’t confuse, we are two SEPERATE countries).  So, every morning I wake up and go to kitchen, make myself a nice cup of tea, watch news and listen to how many people were killed last night while I was sleeping. I mean it’s very hard to live with. And the situation seems getting worser. I feel like I am just helpless.

Also I am studying very hard to pass exams and to enter the university. Although this year it will be in way harder but I think my chances are pretty good. Why it is bothering me? Because I go to tutors (in my country everyone does it) and my mother pay them very big money for the reason I could better know the material I need. I am not saying I’m stupid or like that but it’s impossible to prepare for the exams on your own. So, if I mess up with those exams, then all that efforts that my parents were doing for meal this year will be nothing. And it is the thing I’m very afraid of.

I am a huge believer that things don’t happen without a reason, so I think that this blog is a chance for me to express myself. Maybe, it’s not so popular, maybe my posts aren’t interesting so much, maybe it is not so cool like others might have but it is mine. I want to share my thoughts and be myself, not copying others.  When I was in middle school I had that label of outlaw girl in my class. I’ve been jeered by my classmates because I wasn’t like others. It lasted for 6 years before I go to another class. Sometimes I recall how hard it was and how many times to my mind came that thought that I have nothing left to lose.

But look where I am now. Without my past I wouldn’t be the person I am now. I am not that little shy and speechless girl I used to be. Now I am more confident, more open and smarter than I was. Of course, some of you may think that I have no right to complain because I am healthy, have arms and legs, and my life is perfect, but it’s not. Everyone has its dark times in life.

Its so strange for me to look at my screen right now and feel that I am close to the truth I’ve been going to. It’s okay to lose yourself for a little while. It gives me time to think about my way of living. Today is the day I figured out some things. And let’s just hope that everything in the end will be O.K.!

Sincerely yours,

 ♥